2006-05-31
Possibly not what you wanted to read but..last day possible for this:The great debate in my head is which is the greatest thing known to mankind? The pert female bottom or the bread and butter pudding. Throw in a tot of Drambuie and the B+B is getting close( but then I'm in my 50th year).
Outside of the UK it probably isn’t widely understood that Scotland really is a separate country from England, although I suspect in many ways the divide is similar in the way that Utah is separate from Florida. Scotland has its own parliament, its own laws, its own football team and in many ways it really is superior to England – particularly in the education system (of which I am partly a biased product) and the laws around buying property. At the moment the great legal divide though is in smoking. Scotland doesn’t allow smoking in any enclosed public place – hospitals, libraries, restaurants, even pubs. You can’t smoke on a bus or a train, or in a taxi. In England you can smoke anywhere at the moment but eventually the old dinosaur will catch up with its northerly neighbour. That causes some anomalies – like what happens as the train crosses the border? And even more strangely it seems that long distance lorry drivers can’t smoke in their cabs in Scotland – so is there a mass stubbing-out at the top of the M6?
This morning, cycling in I was stopped at sixteen consecutive traffic lights.
Ewan MacGregor was on Top Gear the other night and Jeremy Clarkson was asking him if the stories that (how can we put this?) he is blessed with a large penis, are true. I think what he said was (and this is what any man in a similar conversation says): ‘I haven’t had any complaints!’. I was wondering..do any men get complaints? Are there actually women out there who complain? And is this done to regular partners? I mean it’s not as though much can really be done if there is a problem. And if no-one does actually complain, how much reliance can people like Ewan place on the fact that no-one has ever complained? On that basis he could be tiny. Now that would be fairer, wouldn’t it?
She’s a girl, Brad. So shouldn’t that be ‘Nouvelle’?
‘Why does it always rain on me?’ asked Travis. Er…that’s because you’re Scottish.
Being male, and therefore anally retentive, I have at times found a need to keep records of different parts of my life at different times. Usually the record-keeping will last a few months and then I’ll get bored with that and start recording something else. When I was 18-20 for instance I used to keep a record of beer consumption, categorised into whether the beer was brown or lager, whether it was served on draft or hand pulled or bottled or canned. Back then it seems I had a preference for brown canned beer and drank hardly any bottled beer of any kind. If I carried out the same survey now I would record virtually no canned beer or keg-draft, and the rest of the consumption would split between hand pulled brown beer and bottled lager. Which is strange only because I don’t really like lagers and brown canned beer is way better than it was back then. Hey – I never said this was going to be interesting!
I’m sure that when Big Brother started they had a psychologist who used to determine whether the people they’d selected were likely to go off their heads if stuck in confinement like that. These days these seem to be selecting only people who are already off their heads and potentially pyschotically dangerous. SO it really is a freak show now.
‘If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can’t I paint you?’ Bit of a non-sequitor there I fear Mr Kojak.
Hang on a minute – how can USA possibly be ranked No 5 in the world by FIFA?
I read recently that a man who averages 100 orgasms a year should live 30% longer than one who has none. At that rate I'm approaching immortality!